People scare the living tea out of me

Overhearing conversations on buses, in cafes, etc, sometimes gives an interesting glimps into the way people think - sometimes ideas, concepts and facts get formed in people's head and it's easy to forget and take for granted knowledge gleened over years of life experiences.  Sometimes facts can be partially learned and for what ever reason your imagination has to fill the missing gaps - especially when you're talking to friends or peers and pretending you actually know what you're talking about.  I have over time heard conversations which made me spit my tea, not because of the content but because of the genius of their inaccuracy to the facts.  Here a couple of these gems of knowledge:

•  The film "It's all gone a bit Pete Tong" is based on the Radio 1 DJ Pete Tong, and he really does a fantastic job considering he's deaf.
  
  
• Everybody in the world has a unique PIN number for their bank cash cards, (yes all 9999 people), and if you managed to get somebodies pin number you can actually put your card in the machine - enter their PIN and remove money from their accounts.
  
  
• Limes are infact unripe Lemons - which are deliberately picked early to give them that colour.

How to win at Grabber Machines

I just came across this post on Geekologie - absolutely amazing. I can't tell if the parents are helping or panicing but I just wonder what they'd have done if the security had turned up?  Best security footage I've seen this year. 

Give us a clue

I heard the funniest line all week by accident the other day - it was a passing comment on the radio;

"Una Stubbs watched open mouthed, as opposing team captain Lionel Blair tried to pull off 12 Angry Men in two minutes".

Priceless

Lifes too short

I apologies if this is a bit deep but...

I've just had a rather alarming epiphany; I received a letter on Saturday telling me how much my pension is worth and what date I can expect to get it.  I didn't really take any notice of it at the time, but thinking back I've realised that the date on it is only 20 years away.

I've heard of people having a midlife crisis before now but this has totally knocked me for 6, if I put this together with the date I got from my Death Clock calculation 2047 I've not got much time left to do all the things I've want to do in life.  Eeeek!

It does make me think though, I'd always been of the mind that I'm young - I certainly feel young (if only at heart), it only feels like moments since it was my 23rd birthday. But when I think back properly about the places I've been, the people I've met it seems like a long line of memories. I am also one of the oldest in my workplace, I could never understand before why people treated with me respect (apart from the odd muppet), or valued my opinions, but maybe I should start seeing myself as others see me, have a bit more self respect and stop doubting myself.. and enjoy the life I've got left :0)

Tags: age, retirement, old, time, life, deep, death

Why are the coast guards striking?

A question was asked on Radio4 this morning - "Why are the Coast Guards striking?" - I think maybe the uniforms have something to do with it, they are certainly distinctive but I'm not sure striking is the right word...

Tags: Coast, guard, uniform, strike, Radio4

Workplace sanity

Do you have an annoying co-worker? I suppose it must be being forced into a confined space for long hours, with people some of whom you normally wouldn't interact with socially, that makes it so easy to become annoyed with their slightest habits.

For example people who:

• Eat richter-scale snacks at their desks - with their mouths open.
• Talk too loudly on their phones - because they think they are impressing us with their wit.
• Whistling or hum along to the inane tunes in their heads.
• Slam draws and desk items - sending shocks up your spine like you wouldn't believe.
• Sigh, groan and moan to themselves.

So why can't we just tell these people to their faces? Personally I'm just not that brave, I know of someone (a contractor) who was let go for speaking up, under what was classed as "bullying", so I supposes it's better to just keep your head down and grit your teeth.

But I often find the best solution is not to get mad but get even:

How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

• Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
• Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
• Insist that your e-mail address is "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them to sign a waiver.
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
• Send e-mail to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
• Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
• Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
• Come to work in your pajamas.
• Put a picture of your mother on your business card.
• Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
• Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
• Suggest that beer be put in the soda machine.
• Include a piece of your children's artwork as a cover page for all reports that you write. (If you don't have children, draw stick figures yourself.)
• Schedule meetings for 6:14 pm.
• Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
• Agree to organize the company Christmas party. Hold it at McDonald's Playland. Charge everyone $15 each.
• Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."
• No matter what anyone asks you, reply "Okay."
• Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
• Plant a hedge around your cubicle.
• Grow mold in your coffee cup.
• Build models of the Seven Wonders of the World using empty soda cans.
• Put on your headphones on whenever the boss comes into the office. Talk in a loud voice. Remove your headphones when he or she leaves.
• When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, "I think my phone is ringing" and leave. Go get coffee.
• Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
• Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
• Compose all your e-mail in rhyming couplets.
• Install a set of buttons and lights in the arm of your chair.
• "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
• Organize a carpool. Go to pick everyone up in a taxi.
• E-mail nude jpegs of yourself to your collegues. Tell them you got them off the Internet.
• Hang mistletoe over your desk.
• Include a personal note on every e-mail you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
• Bring in dishes that you tried to cook but didn't turn out quite right as special treats for your co-workers.
• While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".
• Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
• Decorate your office with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge. Try to pass them off as your children.
• For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.
• Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
• Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Blogged with Flock

Tags: annoying, collegue, coworker, snacking, loud, sanity, humour

SMS Games

• The "I Love You Game" - Create a new message saying "I love you" - then without looking at what your choosing - select a random contact from your address book and send it.

• Other variation of this one are to change the wording to something negative like "Get F***ed" this is can add the element of danger if you have parents or even grandparents in your phone book.  - not one to try when your drunk.

Another set are the "Reaction" texts, send a group of well chosen individuals a text saying something like "I know your secret", and see what you get back - I've heard of people striking gold with this one - the stock response is usual, "Yeah what ever" or "What?" but on one occasion somebody I know got a response of "How?".

You can also target these types of texts a certain types of people, for example send your mother "Don't panic, I'm ok now" then turn your phone off for an hour. <hahaha>

The last one is my current favorite, I have to thank my friend Colin for this one.  He sent a text out to a group of friends with just one random made up swear word in it, then noted how long it took them all to reply.  He then collated the responses, (times and messages) and emailed all the "victims" to let them know how they'd done.  The interesting part of this one was the results - it seems all the married parents of the group managed to reply with childish or obscene responses within a matter of minutes.  I'm not sure what that says about us or Colin. :0)

Blogged with Flock

Tags: mobile, phone, game, people, sms

Merry Christmas

It feels like the whole world is getting ready for Christmas, except me. I did all my shopping weeks ago, so it feels like a long wait - I get like this every year. Feels like I've given up waiting and it doesn't feel like Christmas, but I know on Monday evening I wont be able to sleep just like when I was a kid :0)

Merry Christmas Everybody

Blogged with Flock

SatNav Fun

Has anybody else noticed that if you drive behind somebody you can see what's on their dashboard mounted SatNav? 

I found myself looking at somebodies last night - it's even more obvious at night due to the back lite in a dark car.  I found myself thinking wow I can see where we are and where the next junctions are, then I found myself thinking I better start watching how close I'm getting to the person before I hit them, or even worse follow them down the wrong road.

How ironic would that be finding yourself lost cus of somebody else's satnav? Spending all evening tailgating people hoping that they, had a satnav and that they're going the same place you want to be?

Still, it does make me smile :0)